Picante

I always assumed that everyone in this country ate the spiciest food. Ever since I got here people have been telling me that the water and chiles are going to rupture my insides, and I have believed them, assuming them omniscient in the realm of spice. I´ve been eating both and doing fine. I remarked upon this anomaly of good health to some Mexican buddies. They were skeptical, and quickly formed a plan to "make my asshole burn."

"We will take you to a taquería that will make you want to cagar* bigtime," Miguel said.

"Your ass will be in pieces in the morning," remarked Bernardo.

And so we went. Accompanying us was some dude who was declared (I assume in jest) the toughest motherfucker in Mexico when it comes to eating picante. None believed that the gringo could match his ability to tolerate the hottest of hot food. Well we would see, wouldn´t we!

We arrived at the taqueria. I ordered a plato mixto and an apple soda. The salsa was green, and hot. I matched the man with the iron stomach spoonful for spoonful. As I ladled the sauce, the eyes of all were stretched large in disbelief. "Puta Madre!" filled their mouths. I ate. And it was hot. Our eyes begged to cry blood.

I got my dues. "You are brave, gringo. But this guy will be laughing tomorrow when you are dying."

Morning came, and so did the greatest gastro-intestinal discomfort I´ve ever encountered. They were right; My anus burned like hellfire. It was a miserable morning.

Strange - I really only ate as much salsa as I would have had I been alone, and yet everyone thought it was incredible, even my digestive system. And dig this: Today at lunch we had sushi. I expected there to be wasabi and ginger, but I couldn´t find it. I had to ask for it! And when they brought it, my family would have no part of it. "You´re crazy," they said.

So anyway, now I know. Mexicans only eat spicy food? My asshole!

*cagar = "to shit"